Shocking survey results courtesy of Mother & Baby magazine which discovered that having a baby will destroy your social life. No, really? According to the poll of 2000 new mothers, seven out of 10 complained that their social life was either non-existent or a mere fraction of what it had been before the baby arrived. More bad news had a quarter of the new mums claiming that their relationship also went downhill after they gave birth, with five percent having split up, eight percent coming close to separating and 47 per cent arguing more.

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It’s been a while since I’ve written, but there are reasons. I quit my job. We moved. And I went back to school to retrain for a whole new career. If only I could get Mom to take some of the slack and write some posts, everything would be fine. I shoulder a lot of responsibility - somewhere out there are people who depend on this blog to inject meaning into their lives (Hi Mom! How’s retirement?).

Anyway, let’s get to the point, a lot has happened with Junior in the past four months. He might not have any pubes yet, but he is growing up. Here’s a rundown of some of his major accomplishments:

Walking
He lives closer to his cousins now (ages four and two), and it was a major embarrassment having them run circles around him. Junior couldn’t keep up and was growing more and more frustrated. One day at the end of August he just shook my hands loose and took four steps on his own, then promptly crash-landed in the dirt. Although jaded, I could tell that he was strategizing his comeback, which took place a week later. Ever since he’s been bi-pedal and loving it, but Mom still calls him “Monkey”.

Weaned (off the boob, but not the belly)
With the Wife back at work, boob suckings were down to morning and night. Even then they were eating up a lot of time. So, early last month, it was decided that Junior would no longer have boob rights. He had no say, which he claims was unfair. He’s a survivor though and as soon as he lost mammary access, he decided that Mom’s bare belly would be his new “thing”. Now, whenever he wakes up and is getting ready for bed, he waltzes over to Mom, lifts her shirt, and plants his face down in her gut and sucks his thumb. If we try to move him he flips out. I can’t find any information on belly weaning - so if anyone knows anything, speak up.

Talking (kind of)
It’s amazing how many words this kid is learning. He can’t really say any, but he knows what stuff is. If I tell him to point to something, he can do it. He even tries to say the words (e.g. cup is “cutpf”, dog is “duh” and car is “caca”), but you have to be pretty keen to figure out what he’s saying. It’s like trying to understand some of my Newfie relatives.

Advanced Eating Skills
We’ve been offering Junior quite a range of food. So far he’s only had a reaction to sesame oil - he gets a bit of a rash. He also has a problem with “Damn Hot Pepperoni” (I honestly thought the package said “mild”). He is quite skilful at using a fork to fling food 360 degrees and insists on eating with at least one foot resting on the table. Chopsticks continue to present a challenge.

Reading
Although the kid can’t read yet, he’s starting to show an interest and patience for books. We go to the library every few weeks and get some cool books. He finds the hard-paged baby books too Mickey Mouse, so I got him a few books on spaceships and anatomy. He’s also hip to Animal Kingdom-type books - I’ll point out animals and attempt to mimic their sounds, and Junior will try to copy me. He’s got the horse down pat but is having difficulties with the Chinchilla.

Cleaning
I always though it to be important to start kids doing chores early on. But I never thought a 14-month old would know his way around a central vacuum cleaner. This guy’s amazing - he can flick the switch on and will start vacuuming the house. And he does a good job too. He can get spots I never knew harboured dust bunnies, like the bottom of doors… I never thought to look.

IT Skills
Part of my wife’s job entails using a Blackberry to “do business”. This thing makes the Star Trek Tricorder look like a child’s toy. Looking at it now, I count 39 buttons, each of which doubles as a button for some other advanced function. Anyway, Junior is able to take the thing, and use the wheel scroller thingy to find the picture of him and Mom. I kid you not. I will film this and put it on YouTube. He’s also good at deleting important emails with one slam of his pint-sized fist.

There you have it - it’s amazing what these mini-humans can learn in such a short time. Chasing after him is a full-time job, but one that is full of surprises and amazement. They’re a lot of work, but I definitely recommend getting one of these things.

A new study released yesterday further confirms the negative effects television might have on young children. According to the research, watching television more than two hours a day early in life can lead to attention problems in adolescence. The link was established by a long-term study of the habits and behaviour of more than 1,000 children born in Dunedin, New Zealand, between April 1972 and March 1973.

The children aged 5 to 11 watched an average of 2.05 hours of weekday television. From age 13 to 15, time spent in front of the tube rose to an average of 3.1 hours a day.

The roughly 40 percent increase in attention problems among heavy TV viewers was observed in both boys and girls, and was independent of whether a diagnosis of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder was made prior to adolescence.

In the report, published in Pediatrics, those who watched more than two hours, and particularly those who watched more than three hours of television per day during childhood had above-average symptoms of attention problems in adolescence. Young children who watched a lot of television were more likely to continue the habit as they got older. Even if they did not, the damage was done. This suggests that the effects of childhood viewing on attention may be long lasting, the report says.

The study offers several possible explanations. One is that the rapid scene changes common to TV programs may overstimulate the developing brain of a young child, and could make reality seem boring by comparison. It was also possible that TV viewing may supplant other activities that promote concentration, such as reading, games, sports and play.